


When the night is over

by quafflerain1044



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 07:15:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17178335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quafflerain1044/pseuds/quafflerain1044
Summary: Eleven months after having made the deal with the crossroads demon in exchange for Sam's life, Dean is faced with nightmares he wasn't ready to confront and constantly thinking of her: the only woman who had ever made him feel like life was worth living.





	When the night is over

 

_“(Y/N)”_

He heard her name again, a barely perceptible whisper in the darkness of the night as he woke up from another nightmare. His time was running short, he knew that. It had been nearly 11 months since he had made the deal with that demon in exchange for Sam’s life and he didn’t regret it. He would do it again in a heartbeat if he was given a chance to change his decision.

He didn’t, however, expect to be plagued with nightmares that had her as the protagonist of the goriest scenes, being tortured, raped and killed over and over again as he stood there, motionless and unable to help her.

He sat up at the edge of the dirty motel bed him and Sam were staying at and rubbed his eyes hard with the palms of his hands trying to take the image of her hanging from a ceiling by hooks that pierced her terse, soft skin, her blood running down her body and soaking her gorgeous hair as the life drained out of her eyes out of his mind. He was as unsuccessful as he had been the previous nights and he felt anxiety start to take over his body.

“Hey, you ok?” Sam’s voice took him out of his trance and Dean looked up at his brother, who had also woken up and was looking at him, concern all over his face.

“I’m going out for a drive, don’t wait up” he said with a harsh edge to his tone, thinking that he could drown if he stayed in that cramped, moldy room for one more second. He stood up from the bed and hurriedly grabbed his coat and keys, not giving Sam any explanation as he left the room and got in the car, taking a second to breathe before he put the keys in the ignition and drove away from the neon lights of the motel.

He had debated calling her a thousand times since the nightmares had begun, only to hear her voice and know that those nightmares were only the product of all the terrors he had lived, in anticipation of what was to come once the hounds came to collect his soul. He couldn’t do it though, he knew that if he heard her voice, even just once, he’d leave everything behind and look for her, for the comfort of her arms and the sweetness of her lips. She had always known how to make him feel like this world they lived in wasn’t so horrible after all, that there was always something good to see in every situation. That’s why he had left her -he didn’t want her to become like him, he didn’t want to taint her innocent soul with the blood and pain that came with living like he did-.

He never stopped thinking about her though, he couldn’t. She had been the only person he had ever had an actual connection with, outside of his family, the only one he felt comfortable with. He had even shared his deepest secrets with her, his ambitions and dreams, his fears and darkest thoughts. She had taken all of them and turned them around to him in a way that made him see that his demons weren’t so bad after all. She had made him start to love himself, as much as he could anyway, which wasn’t much.

He thought of the last night they had spent together, how beautiful she looked completely naked and natural under the light of the moon, stretched across the mattress he had prepared on the bed of his dad’s truck, which he had borrowed for that occasion, knowing it was the last night he’d ever spend with her and wanting to make it special.

“I love you, Dean Winchester” she had said, and it took the air out of his lungs like a punch to the gut. He had never known someone could feel so happy and miserable at the same time and he cursed his father for the life he had thrown him and Sammy into, a life that made it impossible for him to be what she deserved. He wanted to give her the world, in the short time they had spent together she had become his world, his refuge and his paradise.

Which is why he didn’t say anything back, he simply grabbed her by the back of her head, lacing his fingers through her long, soft hair and brought her down to give her a kiss that he hoped would condense his feelings in a way that made her understand what he wasn’t brave enough to say out loud: how much he loved her, how he wanted to protect her, how she was the most beautiful thing to have ever happen to him and how sorry he was that he had to let her go, how miserable it made him to know that if he wanted her to be happy, it had to be away from him.

When he let her go, a tear escaped from his eye and she simply kissed it away, hugging him to her chest and running her fingers through his hair, he cried that night, cradled in the arms of the woman he knew he’d love until his dying day, knowing that her face would be the last thing he saw before he left this world for good.

The next day he was gone, he had said goodbye to her not looking at her in the eyes and left before his heart could break any further, knowing that if he looked at her he’d stay, even if that was the most selfish thing he could do. He hadn’t heard from her again since then, but he hadn’t ever stopped thinking about her. Even when he was laying down in bed with one girl or another with her head on his chest, he always pictured her, he always whispered her name as his climax hit him, it was always her skin he felt when he was running his hands down a girl’s back.

He drove in silence for a while, with no particular destination in mind until he finally made a decision. He picked his cellphone up and dialed Sam’s number. His brother picked up immediately and he could once again hear the concern in his voice.

“Dude, where the hell did you go? You left an hour ago!” He looked at the time on the clock on the dashboard and was surprised when he realized Sam was right.

“I have to do something, are you ok cleaning up the rest of the case? I can call Jo if you want, she was working a case nearby and could come and help if you need” he said and he could practically see Sam’s frowny pout as the silence stretched on the call.

“No, I’m good” Sam said on the other side of the phone, knowing full well that his brother wasn’t going to give any explanations, even if he asked. “Just –just take care of yourself, will you?”

“I’ll see you in a couple of days, Sammy” he said and he hung up, shifting gears as he raced through the few cars that were around at that time of the night and heading towards the interstate.

He spent the night driving, a pit forming in his stomach as the reality of what he was doing started to hit him. What would he say to her? Would she even want to see him? What if she had moved away? What if she was with someone else? He didn’t know if he could stand the pain of seeing her being happy with someone else, even if her happiness was the reason he had left her in the first place.

He swallowed the lump that was starting to form in his throat and continued to drive until he saw the road signs that let him know that he was getting closer to his destination, closer to her. He felt nauseous and he would’ve thrown up if he didn’t have his stomach completely empty.

That’s when the road turned into the familiar streets he had driven though all those years ago in the hunt that had lead him to her. His hands took him to her house as if controlled by some other entity, because his head was only thinking about her. He stayed there, parked for minutes that felt like hours, unsure of what to do. Dawn was breaking and the signs of life were starting to show on the little street she had lived in. Little coffee shops started to take out the signs with the menu of the day to the street and he saw a few people walking their dogs on the sidewalks. Dean threw his head back on the seat and exhaled a shaky breath, trying to get his heartbeat under control but to no use.

He decided that it was now or never and that if he didn’t get out of the car now, he wouldn’t do it ever. He opened the door and stood up, wincing at the way his muscles complained after a sleepless night driving. He looked up at the old building, tiny as he remembered it and still adorned with flowers on the windowsills, he looked up at what used to be her apartment and thought for a second that he saw a flash of hair pass through it but quickly discarded it as a sleep deprived hallucination.

He walked up the steps and was considering his options as to how to get inside the building when someone opened the door and looked at him, surprised. It was a girl in her early twenties who looked up at him and immediately blushed. He smiled then, knowing that this was as good an opportunity as any other.

“Uhm, hi, my brother lives here and I’m trying to surprise him, think you could let me in?” he flashed her with his most dashing smile and when he saw her gulping nervously he knew that he was in. She nodded and he went in, looking back and winking as the girl stood there for a few seconds more. His smile disappeared as soon as he saw the stairs and was slapped with the reality of what was about to happen.

 _“C’mon Winchester, you’ve killed monsters and exorcised more demons than you can count, you can fucking do this”_ he thought in a weak attempt to encourage himself. He put his hands on the pockets of his coat and started to walk up the starts, one shaky step after the other. When he was in front of her door he stopped once again to contemplate what he was going to do. He felt ridiculous at the thought of knocking on her door but what else could he do? Stalk her on the hallway and wait for her to come out? That just sounded desperate and pathetic.

Standing there with his hand raised up, he hesitated once more. What the hell was he thinking? He was going to be dead in just a couple of weeks, what the hell did he come all the way here for? To tell her after all these years that he loved her but they couldn’t be together because he had sold his soul to a demon? Yeah, she’d probably think he’s a lunatic and tell him to go fuck off out of her life forever.

He was about to walk away when he heard movement on the other side, he didn’t have enough time to run away before the door was opening and there she was, as beautiful as ever with her pjs still on, her hair up in a messy bun and a giant cup of coffee in his hands. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw her like that, she had knelt down to pick up the paper that was on the floor in front of her door and he remembered how she had the habit of reading the newspaper every morning, an old routine that she had copied from her grandmother and that she had adopted when she moved away for college. That’s when she looked up and saw him. They both froze in place, she at the shock of seeing him after all those years, the man she had spent so many endless nights with discussing everything and anything, kissing and exploring each other’s bodies, and him at seeing how much more beautiful she was, the way her emerald eyes shined even brighter than he remembered.

“Dean” she said, a soft whisper of his name, almost a question, she wasn’t sure if she was actually seeing him or if she was once again just dreaming about the man. Hearing his name come from her lips shook Dean out of his stupor and he finally reacted, running a hand through his hair and smiling sheepishly at her.

“Hi, uhm, sorry to drop by so suddenly” he said and kicked himself at how stupid the words sounded as soon as they came out of his mouth.

“What are you doing here? I thought I’d never see you again” she said and he could hear a hint of pain on her voice as she said that, his heart broke again as he looked her into her eyes and swallowed the lump that started to form in his throat and threatened to fill his eyes with tears once again.

“I wanted to see you, I-uhm, it’s a long story” he mumbled as he scrambled for the right words. His stomach betrayed him with a grumble that reminded him that he hadn’t eaten anything since the night before and he looked at her feeling his cheeks warming with a blush. She smiled warmly at him and made some space for him to walk in.

“Want to come in and have some breakfast with me? I have time for a long story” she said and he walked through the door, feeling her fragrance invade his senses as he looked around the familiar apartment. He noticed that not much had changed, the place still had that permanent cherry scented candle smell that reminded him of the pies his mom used to bake, the pictures of (Y/N) with her loved ones were still hanging all around the small living room.

He looked around for a bit, not knowing what to do with himself and fidgeting where he stood. She walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, he could feel chills multiplying all over his body from the spot where she touched him. “Let me take your coat, make yourself at home, I’ll be right back” she said softly and he couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with a sense of security and warmth that he had only ever felt with her.

“I see you still like crappy indie bands” he called out to her as she walked down the hallway he knew lead to her bedroom and he looked through the shelves of CD’s and books that she had, organized by authors and size.

“They’re not crappy and not everyone wants to bang their heads around to hardcore rock, Dean” she answered through the open door and he looked to it, aching to go where she was, barely unable to control the urge to wrap his arms around her and kiss her like a starving man. He could hear a smile on her voice and he smiled too as he continued to look through the apartment. After a couple of minutes, she walked back to the living room wearing a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt, her hair now shorter than it had been when he had last seen her was down from that bun and it framed her face perfectly as it fell down to just below her shoulders, even wilder than it had been but looking just as soft. Dean felt an impending urge to run his fingers thought it once again, instead, he fisted his hands on top of his legs as they both looked at each other.

They were both becoming acquainted once again with the image of the person in front of them. Time and life had changed them both. She looked at him and she could see he hadn’t slept much lately, the tiredness in his eyes was evidently not only because of one night without proper sleep. He didn’t just look tired, he looked…defeated. Like something irreparable had happened and had changed his perception of the world permanently. It broke her heart to see him like that and she walked closer to him.

“What happened to you, Dean?” she asked him and he looked into her eyes once more, he knew she wouldn’t believe him if he lied, not that he could lie to her. He looked down at his shoes and tried to gain control of the flood of emotions that started to take over and destroy what little composure he had left.

“Let’s have some breakfast first, I’ll tell you everything after it” he said, and she nodded. They walked to the kitchen together, almost floating as the electricity that connected them trickled, begging for contact. They didn’t touch each other though, both fully aware that if they did, any plan of talk or food would go flying out the window.

They made breakfast together, working in a perfect harmony that allowed them to walk around the small kitchen without bumping into each other, both anticipating what the other needed and handing it to them before they even asked. She started humming, content with this small piece of peace she was given with this man, the man she had spent every single night thinking about since he had left. She knew it wouldn’t last long, she could feel it in her heart.

He was entranced by the almost ethereal way in which she moved, like a halo covered her, her voice like an angelic choir that filled his heart with memories of the way she sounded as he explored her, finding the places in her body that made her sigh and the ones that made her scream his name out loud in pleasure. He shook his head, to try to think of something else, because if he continued down that road he’d lose all control and take her right then and there.

 When breakfast was done they both sat down on opposite ends of the small table on the kitchen and ate it, they didn’t talk. Small talk seemed irrelevant taking into consideration all the things they both wanted to tell the other. So they ate in semi comfortable silence, one looking at the other when the other wasn’t looking and then looking down when the other looked up.

By the time they were done eating, they both felt like it was time to confront the real reason behind their encounter. She didn’t know what Dean had come all the way here for, but she had a feeling that it was something much more serious than anything she could imagine. He helped her clean up the kitchen and they walked back to the living room, she walked in front of him  and when they were in front of the couch in which they had spent a couple of nights drowning in each other she turned around and looked at him. She was merely inches away from him and he could’ve kissed her right then if he just leaned down a little bit.

He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him, hiding her face in his chest. It took him a few seconds before he could react, but then he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, inhaling the smell of her shampoo and feeling drugged in the feeling of her so close to him once again.

They stayed like that for a while, not wanting to let go of each other, but knowing that they had to. When they finally did they sat down next to each other, his arm still around her shoulder and her head on his chest, her legs stretched on top of his. They had sat down in that same position countless times before on that same couch and they both smiled a little bit at the memory.

“I’m going to die” Dean said, finally breaking the silence. The sentence hung there for a while as she registered the words.

“We’re all going to die eventually, Dean” she said.

“Yeah, but I have my days counted” he said softly and she separated herself from him, a confused frown forming on her face.

“What do you mean? Are you sick? What’s wrong?” she bombarded him with the questions as she mapped his face and body with her hands, trying to look for any signs of a possible illness. He ran a hand through his hair once again and sighed, deciding that now he had to tell her about everything, because he didn’t want to die lying to her and figuring that she might even be safer if she knew what was really out there.

“I’m not sick” he said and he sat up. “Remember when I told you about my work?”

She nodded, remembering the morning he had told her he couldn’t continue to be with her because his job was too dangerous and he didn’t want her to get involved, didn’t want her to get hurt. He took a deep breath then and started telling her everything. About the real way his mom had died, how his father had gone completely insane chasing a revenge that had ultimately ended in him selling his soul for Dean’s life, of an entire life of running from motel to motel, never having a steady home, having to sell everything he could scrape so that Sammy would have food on the table every night when their dad took too long on a hunt, he told her about the monsters, ghosts and demons that he had hunted his whole life. Of Sammy having been chosen for some reason, of his psychic powers and how he had been killed on a fight by another boy who had been chosen as well.

She listened to everything, first thinking that he was the best storyteller ever and that this was the most elaborate excuse she had ever heard from anyone. When she looked into his eyes though, she saw the man she had always loved and she saw the sincerity in his eyes, she believed him then and her whole perception of the world changed as she continued to listen to the man she loved. She ached for him, she wanted to wrap him in her arms and shield him from all the pain and sorrow he had to live with since such a young age. She loved him even more then.

“And so, I made a deal with a demon, 11 months ago” he said, his story coming to an end, he was nervous, he couldn’t look at her in fear of what he could see in her eyes. He was afraid she’d tell him he was insane and never to look at her again, “my soul for Sam’s life”

“And there’s absolutely nothing that could be done?” she asked and he looked up, amazed at the fact that she seemed to believe him. He saw the pain and concern on her face, so similar to what he saw in Sam’s face every day and he shook his head.

“The deal’s done and they won’t let me go now, they want me too much” he said as he looked at her, tears filled his eyes “I have until the month is over and then the hounds will come for me”

She put a soft hand on his cheek, where the tears had started to fall and she started to cry too. She had lost him once, and she was going to lose him again, this time for good.

“I –I just- I had to see you once more” he said, his words coming out between shaky breaths. She hushed him softly and she leaned her forehead against his, her hands on both of his cheeks and his now on her waist as she put one leg on each side of his hips, straddling his lap.

“I won’t let you go, Dean, you have to know that, they won’t have you” she said with a strong determination that almost made him believe that there was actually a way to stop the inevitable. There, in that small apartment with her in his arms, that fiery determination in her voice and the softness of her lips as they barely brushed against his, he felt safe and at peace for the first time in his life. He closed the gap between them and kissed her, wanting to feel and taste every inch of her skin, wanting to re-memorize every sound and every place of her body. His hands slowly trailed up from where they rested on her thighs and went under her t-shirt.

He felt electricity run through his body as his hands met her skin and she moaned softly in his lips as he lost all trace of doubt and started to touch her without hesitation. His kiss and hands became more and more desperate. Her hands also started to roam under his t-shirt, caressing the soft skin of his belly, she remembered something then and just as she sucked his bottom lip, she dragged her nails down his sides, eliciting a delicious groan and making Dean’s hips buck up into hers. “Fuck, baby” he muttered as he threw his head back, she smiled a cheeky little smirk that made him lose all trace of control as he grabbed her by the back of her legs and lifted her up as he got up and started walking towards the bedroom. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders to keep herself on place as he continued to kiss her.

Gently, he laid her on the center of the bed and admired her for a few minutes there, her wild hair all over the place, her emerald eyes shining back at him, a hint of sadness still in there. He leaned down and supported himself with an arm next to her head as he run his fingers all over her face. She closed her eyes with a small sigh, kissing his fingers and the palm of his hand as he ran them across her lips.

“I love you” he said, the words he had kept inside all those years suddenly felt like they weren’t enough to express his feelings for this woman, but they were all he had to give to her. He hoped it would be enough.

She opened her eyes once again, tears making them look even brighter and a sad smile on her lips, “I love you too, Dean” she said. His heart felt like it would explode.

They kissed once again, softer this time, each wanting to stretch the minutes as much as they could so that they could make that moment last forever. He dragged his hands down to the edge of her t-shirt once again and she lifted her hips up to make his job easier. Their clothes were quickly discarded and forgotten on a pile next to the bed. Soon they were completely naked once again in front of each other, her hands running up and down his back, her legs wrapped around his hips.

He mapped her body with hands and lips, re-discovering the places that made her moan and sigh, the ones that made her buck her hips up begging for more, begging for him. She did the same, her hands and lips running around his body and drowning in his scent, in the taste of his skin, in the sounds he made when she sucked a little harder on just the perfect spot.

They finished together, slowly but surely ascending a mountain of pleasure, among whispers of ‘I love you’ that exploded in the most magnificent way.

Hours later, she woke up again, the weight of a strong arm draped across her waist and she turned around to see that it hadn’t been a dream after all, Dean was still there with her, in all his wonderful glory. She allowed herself a moment of silence to admire him then. In his sleep he looked much younger, the worried lines disappeared from his face and he looked almost calm. She buried her face in his chest and inhaled his familiar scent one again.

Dean knew his future was as certain as he was gory, he had weeks left in this world. But right then, he felt calm, like he always did when he was with her. Suddenly, the thought of fighting a legion of demons felt like nothing if that’s what he had to do to protect her. His time was nearly over, he knew that, but he had her in his arms and to Dean that was all that mattered. The rest would come when it had to.

\--

(Y/N) walked with confidence, admiring the work she had done on the ground around her, the small box rattled with the movements as she walked towards the middle of the crossroads to the little whole she had dug. She placed it carefully on the ground and covered it with dirt once more. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes in anticipation, turning around when she felt she was not alone in that desolated area anymore.

“Hello, (Y/N)” said the beautiful woman who was standing there, right where she expected she would appear, a flash of black obscured her eyes completely and for a second, (Y/N) felt her confidence and bravery slip away, but the thought of Dean made her straighten up. She directed herself to the demon then, with confidence and determination she hadn’t known she had.

“I have a deal to make with you”.


End file.
